I just got an unsolicited job offer I can’t refuse! I mean, I didn’t even apply for this, they must just have sensed my awesomeness and head-hunted me. Get this:
Dear Applicant Nielsen A.
Corporation is seeking for industrious agent in Europe.
No practice necessary – free training available. Great earning ability.
We will prepare application form if you are interested to work.
– Must have a notebook with unlimited Internet access.
– Must have personal bank account.
– Requires good organizational skills.
– applicants must be fair and business oriented.
Working only some hours per day. You can easily combine our work with your
main work. Any person in the Ireland can become our agent.
Thank you for your attention, Nielsen A.
How cool?! I mean, I’m not actually “in the Ireland”, but that’s surely just a cover, right? Agent Nielsen A, I like the sound of that.
I’m guessing the personal bank account is so I can gamble the night away in Monte Carlo without attracting suspicion, and the “good organizational skills” includes things like a photographic memory for when I only get a momentary glance at someone’s security ID.
I’m going to reply right away, I can’t wait. Do you reckon the free training will include scuba diving to reach secret underwater villain-lair entrances? Because I’m not sure I’d be that good at that. I don’t like cold water. Oh well, they approached me, so I’m going to trust they know what they’re doing.
Agent Nielsen A, signing off.
Hang on, should I destroy the email, or will it self-destruct? How do you eat an email?